You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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