I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize