can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
