i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
