Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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