batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
