Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
