i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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