New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize