bring money and cleavage
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
