just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
