I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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