I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
