My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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