haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
