if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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