So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
