THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
