where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
