what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
