I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
