i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
