The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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