Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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