My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
