Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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