He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I could make wine with my vomit
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize