I wannas sexs uuuuu
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
