this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I want to fling myself into the sun
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
