I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
