it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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