erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
