I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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