I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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