just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
