i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
