i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
