Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
