There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
