he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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