Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
