make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize