My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
