i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
