I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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