you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
