I want to stick my p in your. b.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
