i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want her autograph on my taint
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
