god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
