I don't think brook has ever known best
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
