I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
