Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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