I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
