hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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