wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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