made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
