The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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