She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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