her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dignity is for republicans.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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