I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
