dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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