I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
