easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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