I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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