she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize