PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
