Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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