we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
