I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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