He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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