i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
