Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
