I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
