I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
