i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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