I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
