She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
