so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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