OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
