k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i will never coherently bang her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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