Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
