You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Michael Bay diarrhea
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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