I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
