see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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