Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
