omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize