walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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