Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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