So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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