Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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