Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
