If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
