let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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