I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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