There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize