I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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