9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
