you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
