We're facebook friends in real life
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize