i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
