Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
