Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
