Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
