batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
