It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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