If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
