We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
