he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
