Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize