dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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