you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
