Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
